It! The Terror from Beyond Space - (1958)

I don’t review movies that are too popular, have been talked about by every “professional” critic and magazine, or are just overall reviewed out. The Highlander and Short Circuit movies are about as famous as movies as I’m willing to go.

I certainly won’t review the Alien movies, since they’ve been abused in the “over-reviewed” department. I could say how the original Alien is a horror masterpiece that perfectly walks the line between the slow paced science fiction and giant monster B-movie science fiction’s of days past, but everyone has already said that. I could also say that Aliens is an action masterpiece with one of the most likable cast of characters ever, amplified by the masterful special effects. But again, that’s been pretty well documented.

And if I were to blast through the rest of the series, Alien 3 is a really bad movie that quickly becomes dull, and Alien: Resurrection is a laughably bad movie that’s slightly saved by the over the top acting and bizarrely stupid story. The forgettable Alien vs. Predator is an incredibly boring movie for the first half and an incredibly stupid movie for the second half, and Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem is one of the worst movies ever made. And the sort-of-Alien movie Prometheus was a highly disappointing wreck with too many plot holes to count.

But the movie that came before all of these was ‘It! The Terror from Beyond Space’, whose poster boldly proclaims “$50,000 GUARANTEED! BY A WORLD RENOWNED INSURANCE COMPANY TO THE FIRST PERSON WHO CAN PROVE ‘IT’ IS NOT ON MARS NOW!” I’m pretty sure the contest is no longer valid, or ever was give the fact that they don’t name said insurance company. But you got to love the movie already when its poster has such a bold challenge.

 

 

‘It’ is about space crew on Mars in the year 1973 who loses all but one member, Colonel Caruthers. Believing he murdered them all, NASA sends out a team to get Caruthers so they can bring him back to get arrested. Before taking off from Mars, a hostile alien monster gets onboard, the same who killed Caruthers crew. Now they have to survive all the way back to Earth in a very small amount space with a very large monster.

 

The monster is usually in the shadows, but you get the idea of what he looks like. He kind of has the face of boar if it was planted onto a dried prune or almond for a head, on a football players’ body complete with shoulder pads placed under his skin. And of course no visible genitals or visible arse, like all movie monsters. A for design, A+ for implementation, because knowing whipping out the monster too often would ruin suspense they have this big thing creep around in the ship’s cellar equivalent like the Deadite from ‘The Evil Dead’. ‘It’ slowly makes it up each level of the ship, until our heroes have no where else to run to, and the finale is thrust upon them. It’s just superbly paced and well made.

 

It also has a lot of weird funny parts, like why this crew brought bazookas, guns, and ton of grenades when they didn’t expect a monster. Or the fact they see no problem with setting off said grenades in ship…in space. And that’s just the way you want these monster movies. The characters and acting are wonderfully dull, as it should be, and the sets are limited to pretty much a few rooms, creating a great feeling of claustrophobia.

The plot is so similar to Alien, one could almost call Alien a loose remake of ‘It’. Both are about ship crews trapped with a monster far away from home, a very similar plot to the ‘Thing’ movies. And what they have in common past the plot is very simple titles (Alien/It/The Thing) to go with the simple but effective premise. ‘It’ is a perfectly dumb and influential science fiction B-movie, check it out.

Reefer Madness - (1936)

Reefer Madness, also known as Tell Your Children, also known as The Burning Question, also known as Dope Addict, also known as Doped Youth, also known as Love Madness (the producer famously renamed movies to trick audiences into seeing them again and again) is a movie funded by a church group for parent groups that somehow got shown around exploitation film circuits. It involves a group of teenagers who discover marijuana, and are thusly lead down a path of attempted rape, suicide, shooting people, running people over with cars, and playing the piano really fast.



The tale is being told by a professor who tells the PTA group he’s addressing that they’re about to hear the “true story” of the recent teen tragedy (this is slightly strange, as most events he couldn’t possibly know about since he wasn’t there and no one would even be alive to tell him). The teens are lured into a marijuana club by a drug pushing couple (who sleep in separate beds, so maybe they’re not a couple) who have nothing better to do than to give teenagers drugs for free (I don’t recall them ever asking for money for their product). At first this is nothing more than them laughing uncontrollably, playing the piano, and flopping around like they have no bones.



But the real trouble begins when one of the teens, Jimmy, begins speeding in his car while high and runs an elderly man over.  He never gets caught for this, never admits it, yet the professor telling the story somehow knows all about it...just remember he’s telling the true story. Later, one of the dope fiends, Ralph, tries to rape a woman, Mary, but her boyfriend, Bill, comes in and hallucinates that she’s not being raped but is willingly having sex with him, so he charges in and fights him off, but a gun accidently goes off and kills Mary. The rest of the movie involves the court case surrounding her death.

Personally I found this part a little weird because the fact that Bill hallucinated (because marijuana makes you do that) his girlfriend not being raped is slightly irrelevant. Would he have not charged in if he knew she was being raped? If so, the drugs may not be the problem. Also, despite being a teenager (so they say) he smokes tobacco before taking up the roach. The movie seems to have nothing to say about this. Also her shooting really had nothing to do with drugs. The Ralph character is completely insane and doesn’t need dope as an excuse to rape a nearby woman, and the fact that they struggled with each other and somebody accidently shot off a gun is unconnected to the whole marijuna problem. Later in the film, Blanche (one of the dope fiends), jumps out of window to her death because of the guilt she’s feeling. But she wasn’t high when she killed herself (well high enough (little suicide joke) so once again another tragedy only slightly related to the film’s crux. The only crime indisputably related to marijuana was the hit and run, which went unpunished anyway.

 

Also, there’s a piano player at a soda shop with demonic hair and no lines whose seen smoking a doobie in the back room where no one is looking. I couldn’t help but to wonder about the purpose of this character and if the professor mentioned this while telling his story. Pianos seem to be official instrument of dope fiends in this movie, past the one pointless nameless character; all the club members enjoy banging away at it to past the time when they’re not murdering or raping people. More importantly, Ralph loves hearing it played really fast and becomes agitated when they’re not going super fast. Then again everything agitates Ralph…he’s my favorite character.

 

 

Some may argue that this movie slightly exaggerates the dangers of marijuana, and by some I mean everyone but the most delusional drug warrior, and slightly exaggerate I mean insanely exaggerate. The movie has a strong following among other dope fiends, no doubt because it’s a window into their own lives of rape, murder, and pianos. It’s not really one of the best worst movies in my opinion, more like one of the best shout-questions-at-the-screen-movies. If you want to know the true story behind cannabis use, check it out. I don’t usually say this, but see the colorized version if you can where all the marijuana smoke puffs are multi-colored by someone who got carried away on the restoration computer.

The Blacula Duology

BLACULA – (1972)

 

Just from hearing the title, you know what you’re getting with Blacula. A trashy horror movie mixed with the blaxploitation genre.  And thanks to this classic, we got other blaxploitation horror movies to follow such as Blackenstein and Abby (the black version of The Exorcist (also with William Marshall).

The story involves an African prince named Mamuwalde, who gets turned into a vampire by Dracula and is given the title of ‘Blacula’. Mamuwalde’s wife dies while he sleeps, and about 200 years later he is awakened and finds a woman identical to his old wife. Naturally, being the ladies man he is, he plans to take her for himself and make a small army of vampires to serve him.

Obviously this movie is pretty dumb, and is complete with black and gay stereotypes that you resist laughing at if you’re with others. Decent stuff but this movie has one aspect that’s absolutely amazing, and that’s William Marshall as Mamuwalde/Blacula. He’s so cool and refined that pretty much everyone who watches this must concede that he is the man. One weird thing is that he always shouts like Pee-wee Herman or Kermit the Frog when he bites someone’s neck, which never ceases to get a laugh out of me.

With a funky soundtrack as you’d expect, this is trashy classic is a fun movie; check it out with the right crowd.

 

SCREAM BLACULA SCREAM – (1973)

Not even a year later, Blacula got a sequel in Scream Blacula Scream (a wonderful title I might add) which thankfully brought back William Marshall as Blacula. But it also added blaxploitation superstar Pam Grier, one of my favorite actress’. That, plus a much more exciting finale then the original, make this sequel better than the original.

The plot naturally involves Blacula being resurrected, this time by a voodoo priest named Willis who believes he should take over the cult, instead of his rival Lisa (Grier). His plan was for Blacula to solve his problems, but naturally he’s not having any of that. After building up another small vampire army, Blacula wants Lisa to use her voodoo to free him from his vampirism so he can return to his homeland in Africa.

One repetitive thing about this movie is that we still have the boyfriend to the female lead slowly find out Mamuwalde is a vampire, which was in the first movie. Could’ve just been the same character from the last movie so we just skip that part. But I really love the addition of Richard Lawson as Willis. He’s just a loudmouth who obviously gets on Blacula’s last nerve, so any scene with him and William Marshall is just golden.

 

The finale involves the police against the vampires, with tribal African music blasting the whole time, as Blacula tires to overcome his vampirism. After that fails, Blacula goes full on crazy, and that's when you know he's not joking around anymore. Pretty awesome ending for an awesome movie, check this one out.

Even with all the horror remakes nowadays, it’s unlikely that Blacula would be remade. And that’s a good thing, because these are 70’s to the core, trashy, dumb, politically incorrect, and pretty entertaining. And of course genius, because Blacula equals “Black Dracula”; Genius!

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari - (1920)

 

 

‘The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari’ is often called the first horror movie ever made, which is somewhat impossible to accurately claim, but if it isn’t, it’s certainly the first notable horror movie. It’s also called the first film to feature a twist ending, and one of the first and most famous German Expressionist films. And it's very easy to tell that director’s like Tim Burton are hugely influenced by it, either through it’s style or themes. But, all that technical stuff is irrelevant when you’re actually watching a movie, and is more interesting to read about. A movie with a lot of historical relevance could come across like a technical demo for the future rather than an actual form of entertainment.

 

Thankfully, ‘The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari’ is still a really good movie, and one of the best of silent era. Germany was far and beyond the masters of the silent era, and because they were so ahead of their time, movies like this can still be watched by those with a love for horror movies and surreal style.

 

The story is told by a man named Francis, who retells his experience with a insane asylum director named Dr. Caligari who had the powers of hypnotism, and control over a being named Cesare. Caligari used Cesare to kill his enemies, but eventually Cesare falls in love with a woman, and that’s when things go wrong for the doctor.

 

The twist ending is that none of this actually happened. Francis is an insane asylum inmate who’s under the delusion that it’s all true. This ending was actually pushed by the studios; they said that the reality that so many people were killed was too dark, so they said it should be in Francis’ mind, and in the process, the cinematic twist was created.

 

The real strength of the movie are the visuals, which are mesmerizing to this day; it’s all severe, angular, and creepy. It remains the best looking silent movie, besides ‘Metropolis’ I suppose. The music is also very atmospheric and fits perfectly for the horror movie blueprint that this is.

 

Is this the best German Expressionist horror movie? No. That honor belongs chiefly with ‘Nosferatu’, but this is one of the best silent movies ever made, and as I said, if you’re a movie history buff, a horror enthusiast, or love silent movies, then it’s required you see this movie.

 

TRIVIA:

 

Most of the people who worked on the film escaped Germany during Hitler’s rise to power, although not Dr. Caligari himself, a very vocal supporter of the Nazi Party and its ideology. After the war he was banned from performing. Both him and female lead Lil Dagover (who also stayed in Germany (who made anti-Nazi films later in life) were named Actors of National Importance by Joseph Goebbels.

Ironically, Cesare's portrayer was Jewish. He escaped Germany and went to the United States.

The Atomic Submarine - (1959)

The Atomic Submarine is a movie that is for B-movie fans only, as if you couldn’t tell from the title. It involves a crew in the North Pole searching for the cause of the destruction of several of their ships. Pretty quickly they find out it’s an alien, who dwells in the sea.

 

(Spoilers) So they ram their sub into the UFO, climb aboard and find the alien who looks very similar to the aliens from The Simpsons. He says his plan is to take over the planet, but first take several humans back to his home for experimentation…basically, the world’s most typical alien plan. Also like every other alien movie, the UFO tries to return to his planet, but is blasted away before it can leave orbit. And everyone’s happy, forgetting that there’s an entire planet of these things that will probably check up on the absent scout. But the movie’s over, so who cares. (Spoilers end)

The characters are pretty basic, but the two main characters have a difference of world views. The scientist Dr. Neilson, is a pacifist, and doesn’t want anymore nuclear weapons to be made. In contrast, Lt. Commander ‘Reef’ Holloway gives all the typical pro-military patriotic speeches, and is disgusted with Neilson’s pacifism. The movie portrays both sides in a fair portrayal, until the end where Neilson basically says pacifism doesn’t work on hostile alien monsters. I don’t know if he viewed the communists in the same light, but it was probably the director’s intention. I don’t know about the message, but it’s some character development, which is appreciated.

 

The direction is very typical of the genre and era. Slow placed, lots of techno babble in rooms filled with fake computers, and then all the action happens in the last 10 minutes. But that’s what you pay for, plus you get a great ending when they finally get on the UFO. The alien effect is great, because it’s just a big eyeball with tentacles. Classic. The music is also classic 50’s sci-fi, which it refers to as “Electro-Sonic” in the credits. If any of this sounds good to you, or just the title is appealing, you’ll like it. Get a bunch of B-movies, throw this in the middle of the marathon, and enjoy.

Congo - (1995)

Jurassic Park is a great movie, one of my faves, a classic, and the best Michael Crichton movie. The sequels on the other hand, were lame. The Lost World: Jurassic Park was mediocre, and Jurassic Park III was *highly* mediocre, and you could feel the complete lack of caring from everyone involved. Congo, also based on a Michael Crichton novel, is not nearly as good as the first Jurassic Park, but is much more enjoyable than the sequels, and is the rare B-movie to get a wide release much to everyone’s (just mine) joy.

It’s about a talking gorilla armed with a Power Glove, a treasure hunting Eastern European Tim Curry, a former Ghostbuster (Ernie Hudson) turned smooth mercenary, and a expedition sent out by Joe Don Baker (Mitchell!) to find his son Bruce Campbell (Hail to the King) and a diamond that can power a super laser, which comes in handy against bloodthirsty 1,000 year old albino gorillas. Also, hippos that eat people…bet you didn’t know they do that.

Congo is well paced, and moves from one fun adventure moment to another. It’s dumb, and it knows it, all it cares it about is moving on to the gorilla on man action, which is the problem for most people. Everyone says the special effects for the gorillas are obviously just puppets and people in suits. And past the old albino gorillas which are supposed to look monstrous and different, yeah, all the gorillas aren’t convincing. The talking gorilla Amy is downright laughable. Except when she talks, then it’s just scary. But that’s part of the entertainment value. And don’t get me wrong, this is from Stan Winston, perhaps the greatest special effects artist of all time, he can do better, but for this movie, the dumber, the better. Many say they should’ve done CGI, to which I say “Hell no”. There’s nothing magical or charming about bad CGI, usually even good CGI. I hear a lot of people say this “ruined” the book, but the book was pretty dumb too folks, it still had evil gorillas.

Special credit goes to Ernie Hudson, who steals the show. Many people have said it before, but he’s kind of like a black Clark Gable, it’s awesome. Also, he was the coolest Ghostbuster, no debate. Also props to Tim Curry, who is incapable of not entertaining. Yeah, I recommend Congo. Just note most people hate it.

The Dungeonmaster - (1984) ... or Ragewar: The Challenges of Excalibrate - (1984)... or Digital Knights - (1984)

The Dungeonmaster is a science fiction/fantasy movie that has yet to see a release on DVD, Blu-Ray, or even Laserdisc. It can be seen on Netflix, but as it stands, you can only own it on VHS. And for many reasons, this is a movie that demands to be seen on VHS quality picture. It actually has seven different directors, which include special effects artist David Allen, B-movie God Charles Band, and Steven Ford, the son of Gerald Ford (yes, that’s true). If you’re not intrigued yet, then there’s no hope for you.

It’s about a dweeb named Paul with a pair of computer powered glasses (this is never really explained) and his girlfriend Gwen, who are enjoying their boring simple life (past the glasses) until one night they’re whisked away to an alternate dimension by a sorcerer named Mestema, who decides Paul is Earth’s greatest warrior or something, and puts him through seven challenges. And that’s pretty much it, until the end where Paul fights Mestema and kills him, they go home, and the movie ends right there.

Each challenge has a different writer and director, all of whom are credited at the end credits, despite no credit to the director or writers of the beginning or ending. The challenge segments include a murder mystery, a Mad Max-esque world, zombies, giant monkey statues, and the glam metal legends W.A.S.P., who try to kill Paul with the power of metal and face meltingly awesome rock! This movie is pretty disjointed and very repetitive, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it. I love the low budget effects (still better than CGI), Richard Moll is hilariously over the top as the villain, and some of the segments can be entertaining for the 5 to 10 minutes they last. But a movie like this feels incomplete without some Mystery Science Theater 3000 silhouettes at the bottom. If anything of this 80’s cheese sounds entertaining to you, you’ll probably wind up enjoying it.

But note, it’s called “The Dungeonmaster” to trick Dungeons and Dragons fans into seeing it, and it has pretty much nothing to do that. Seriously, that was the goal with the new title, because this was originally called Ragewar (sounds like a W.A.S.P. cover band) and Digital Knights. I guess it’s like Dungeons and Dragons mixed with Tron (not as awesome as it sounds thought) and it is better than the actual D&D movie. But I had to just call out its deceptive marketing. Again, if this sounds cool (and it DOES sound cool) then please, check it out, and let the power of metal take you away.